Take Care
by GrilliLily
Summary: "Have you ever actually felt your heart tear up into a thousand pieces?" Depression becomes Charley's constant battle after the discovery of the death of her beloved brother, Finn Macauley. She begins to believe suicide is the only way out, but she is saved from her own demons. What she doesn't know is the journey that awaits her beckoning call, and what secrets it holds...
1. A Thousand Pieces

**Heya! This is a rewrite of my old story, Will These Battles Ever Be Fought? I wasn't happy with it, so I'm taking things slow this time! I hope you enjoy it, any ideas or suggestions would be great! Reviews would be too! There was a time when I was feeling depressed, so Charley's sad thoughts are kinda mine too. When you are reading this chapter, listen to sad music to get you some feels! Anyways, enjoy! :) **

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_**Chapter 1: From Teardrops To Waterfalls**__**  
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_*** Charly's P.O.V. *  
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_**~Flashback~**_

_Have you ever felt your heart actually tear up into a thousand pieces? Like all you want is your own death? Like no matter what people try to do, or how much they think they know you, they will NEVER truly understand you, and your pain. I have, escpecially on THAT day, that day changed EVERYthing..._

_It was five days after he was sent to the battlefield, sent to his own death. I never liked it when he was gone, gone to fight God knows what and the fact that he's a "rookie" as they say. But I had to accept it one way or another, he's not a kid anymore. I can't always be looking out for him, he can take care of himself. But we are, **were **very close. We always looked out for each other, helped one another, told each other everything. I still feel like I'm dreaming, and that I'm gonna wake up, and he's gonna rush to me and tell me to get the fuck up or else he'll pour water on me.  
_

_I was being my usual laidback self, watching The Walking Dead when I heard it. The knock on the door, or the Death Knock as I call it. I grunted, and slowly raised myself up from the black leather sofa I was lying on, and strolled to my scarlet red front door. I peeped through the peep hole, it was Matt, Matt Campbell. Finn's best friend. Why the fuck is he here, I thought. I unlocked the door and opened it, preparing a friendly, polite smile for Matt._

_"Hi Matt! How are ya?" I politely asked, I gestured for him to come in. He nodded his head and came inside. It was then I noticed he was still in his BSAA uniform. I brushed it off, assuming to myself he must've came back from a mission or some shit like that.  
Matt is really handsome. He has these beautiful, big emerald green eyes, contrasting with his dirty blonde hair that is usually combed over to the right. He has a nice tan, not too light and not too dark, and of course, a sexy body. His voice is deep, but has a sexy edge to it. I offered him a seat but he shook his head in decline.  
__"No thanks, I think it's better if we stand when I tell you this", he replied, not meeting my gaze and staring at the beige carpet beneath him.  
__"What, what is it? Tell me?" I curiously asked. i got this sick, nervous feeling in my stomach. Almost as if I knew what was going to come next. Is Finn alright? Where is he? Is this about Finn? All these questions were swarming around and around like bees in my confused brain.  
__"Okay Charley, I've known your family for a long time, so I'm not gonna bullshit you. As you know, Finn was sent out on a mission in Edonia. His team found a citizen calling herself Ada Wong. But she tricked them, and..."  
__"And what? Did Finn kill that bitch and now he's lieutenant?"_

_"Heh, I wish! No...Ada, well she...She killed them all except two, Charley. Turned them into BOWs...He's dead, KIA, gone, forever", he blubbed before breaking down into tears.  
I just stood there, feeling numb. No, this is a joke, I kept saying to myself. This is another one of Matt's annoying pranks, he's just getting better.  
"No, you're joking. It's not working this time, Matt, so stop it!" I ordered sternly. But when Matt looked up at me, I realised he wasn't joking. Finn, was dead. Is dead, gone, forever. Usually when I hear about someone after dying it doesn't hit me until the funeral. But this was different, this was baby Finn, my only sibling. The bestest friend anyone could have, the one thing that keeps me alive, is gone. Taken from me, just like that. Everything we've been through, all the memories, the life he had ahead of him, just gone. Wiped clean, non-exsistant anymore._

_I broke down too, in fact I fell onto my knees, roaring in pain. I could feel this pain, this pain in my heart. Like something was eating it, slowly chomping down on it and ripping it up. All my happiness just dropped, and all the pain from my life came flooding back, because I went through pain for him. I sacrificed my dreams for him. Why him, why him out of all people? I kept screaming and roaring out in pain, even when Matt picked me up and clutched me to his muscular chest.  
When we hugged, it was like we were sharing our pain, sharing the sadness of this tragedy. I knew this was hard for Matt, but for me, God it was way worse.  
My teeth were chattering, my body shaking with shock. This huge wave of depression washing over me, and never willing to go away. I'll never see him again, he'll never have kids,get married, continue his life. Never again will I see his adorable smile, never again. The one thing I loved the most, just vanished. The only person that understood my thoughts, my dreams, my wishes, my life!_

_We cried our hearts out that day, and by the end of it, I had lost my voice. Our eyes were a dark red, bloodshot and extremely puffy. I grabbed the notepad on the counter, and wrote "My voice is gone, you can stay the night if you like and we can sort this out tomorrow?". Matt nodded, hugged me, and wrote on the notepad "I know, mine is gone too. Thanks, I will, but I'm going to go to bed now". I smiled at him, he returned it, and disappeared down the hallway. __I went to bed myself, but no matter how hard I tried, the pain just didn't go away. I was hurting, and so was Matt. And of course, my suicidal thoughts arrived too. I kept thinking what's the point? If I kill myself, maybe I'll see him, I could end all the pain right here, right now. But no, that's selfish, how the fuck could I think such a thing and my brother is only after dying! _

_Why do all the bad things happen to the good people? The people that have been through so much, that need happiness others take it for granted. That was the day my heart actually tore up into a thousand pieces, the day when I decided to get revenge, the day I decided to throw all my emotions away. The day I died, from the inside..._

**_~End Of Flashback~_**


	2. Hopeless

**Hey guys! Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter! Yes, I know the book cover for this story is shit, you don't need to tell me! Anyways, I need some inspiration, so if you have any ideas such as songs, tribute videos, all that, PLEASE tell me! I know you guys don't really know Charley yet, but as we go along I'll be revealing little bits here and there of her back story. Anyways, please read and review as it is greatly appreciated! Also, thanks for the review on the first chapter. Thank you for reading, and enjoy! :)**

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_**Chapter 2: Hopeless**__**  
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_*** Charley's P.O.V. *  
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_**January 6th, 2014  
13:00**_

_I can't believe this, I just can't FUCKING believe this! First, they get Matt to come and tell me right? Then, I ring the BSAA to ask where the fuck is my brother's body, and THEY DON'T KNOW? HOW THE FUCK do they not "know" where his body is?! I mean, this is a load of bullshit! This is the thousandth time I've rang them!_

I fiercely threw my smart phone at the ground in frustration. If you were in my position, you would've done the EXACT same thing! I mean, neighbours of mine come up to me and ask "Oh Charley, we're very sorry for your loss. When is the funeral?".  
"I haven't decided yet..." I always reply, when what I REALLY want to say is "I dunno, the BSAA haven't bothered to bring his body back, probably haven't even looked for it".  
Finn was never a cocky shit to anyone, he always did the good moral thing. Even to say **"was"**, it's...it's not right.

But what I don't understand is, Finn's captain is, was, Chris Redfield. The brave, heroic Chris Redfield! If he's as good as people say, surely he would've cared if one of his men died tragically like Finn did. Then again, all of them did...Andy, Carl and Ben. Even more died in Lanshiang,and whenever I ring the BSAA to ask to speak to him, they say he's "left" the BSAA. Pure bullshit, it's Chris Redfield hello! Probably the sexiest, strongest, most protective man alive! But maybe, just maybe, all the shit that has happened to him in his life, including what happened in Edonia, is affecting him. Maybe that's the reason why he left the BSAA, maybe he does care after all...

Now, I don't know what to believe anymore. I feel numb, the only thing I care about now is Finn, and his funeral. Everyday when I wake up there's something missing, and everyday I realise it's Finn that's the missing piece in my life. Yes, friends of the family have empathized, but I feel like it's not enough. I feel as if his funeral should be special, he risked his life for our safety. And the thing is, the majority of people take it for granted, they don't understand what's it's like for the families of soldiers. They don't understand the pain you get when you receive the bad news, the news I received. But that's life, isn't it? No one can understand your thoughts, no one can confirm if you really are crazy in your mind or not. You probably are the only one that can understand yourself.

So far I have cried myself to sleep every night. Then again, I cry everyday, all the time. Suicidal thoughts come and stay, and are lingering in a small part of my mind. But each night they grow in my mind, they grow bigger, bolder and more permanent. I used to say to myself, how can people truly be happy? How can they enjoy life so much? I always think, what's the point? We're all gonna die sooner or later, it's just that some of us pick sooner than later. And I, Charley Macauley, are about to become one of those people...

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As I slowly entered my plain white bathroom, memories of Finn all came flooding back. His first birthday, first day at school, his high school graduation, all these precious things...Tears welled up within my eyes, looking for a way out. They soon found my cheeks and dripped to the floor. _That's it, I can't take this. I just can't fucking take this any longer, maybe I'll meet you up there Finn. We can share all the good times together, we can do it _**together**_.  
_I started to feel this pain, this...excruiating pain that was literally tearing me apart. Separating me from sane and insane, and about to separate me from sadness to happiness...to Finn.

I opened the cabinet on the wall to my left, and found a razor. My trembling fingers managed to break the top of it, and separate the blades. _This is it, Charley. It's time to say good-bye. Goodbye to this world which never had true happiness, never truly made me wish I'd live to be over a hundred years old. This...this is the end, the end of me... The end of my insanity, the end..._

I held a blade in my right hand, grasped it firmly, and slowly but deeply slit my thighs. Not once or twice, but over and over and over again. Blood started to trickle like a stream down my shaking legs, my vision was blurry due to all the crying, so I just saw a blur of red. _You're getting there Charley, you're on your way to Finn. _I moved on to my wrists, and slit them over and over again, persistent in my task to end my life. Again, a blur of red trickling from my wrists. _Embrace the pain, trust yourself for once, it's all woth it._ My limbs were stinging, like really really bad.  
_And then, for a split second, I felt happy. I felt truly happy, I had something to look forward too. I was looking forward to death, I wanted to die._ I collapsed onto the floor in a sitting position, crying and crying, rocking myself back and forth. I continued this cycle for a long time, until I slowly fell unconscious onto the floor, hoping I would never wake up again...


End file.
